When I first read about the early signs of pregnancy I felt like I would never be able to differentiate between the signs and how I normally feel. Nausea? Yeah, that's pretty regular for me. Fatigue? Man, I love my sleep. Heightened sense of smell? I already hold my breath the entire walk from when I get off my train until I get to my bus on my way to work each morning. Frequent urination? I can't imagine how it could get more frequent.
Up until the last week or so my nausea hadn't been terrible. It was brief and manageable and I thought it wouldn't be much different than how I sometimes don't feel well. This weekend, however, was my first glimpse of what is surely to come. I felt just horrible. I was in and out of the bathroom all Friday night, well into Saturday morning. When I finally got up I just felt exhausted and weak. As the day progressed, I steadily got stronger and felt better. I slept through the night Saturday but woke up feeling just as ill as before. Geoff and I did absolutely nothing yesterday. Heck, I was only up for a totally of 8 and 1/2 hours the entire day. He was such a trooper. He spent his Sunday lounging around with me, forcing me to eat (which helped enormously!) and being super supportive. I'm a lucky girl to have a husband like him around.
I think one of the hardest parts for me is I feel like I feel lousy for nothing. I noticed when we were watching "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" (Anyone else watch this? It's sort of like watching a really incredible train wreck.) that I started to feel better. Watching all those kids reminded me there is a reason for this nausea. I don't feel pregnant, yet. Truth be told, I think I've been holding myself and my emotions back so far. I'm not sure at what point this will begin to feel real to me. I suppose when we get to see a little heartbeat on the ultrasound I'll allow this all to sink in. Maybe then I'll really realize I'm growing a little, beautiful life inside me.
Until then I'm feeling very cautious. This is something I've waited my whole life for. I was the little girl who just wanted to be a mom when she grew up. I'm still that little girl. I still can't believe this is happening for us; I most definitely didn't think it would happen so quick. If I have to deal with a few months of nausea and some quality time in my bathroom so be it.
It's going to be SO worth it.